It's time to wake up. How many of our generation are paying lip-service to Jesus? How many of us exist as Christians but have a "gut feeling of not knowing the Lord"? I know I'm guilty of both of those things. I have a desire to have an immensely deep relationship with Jesus; I've seen the world, taken part, been extremely selfish, had all selfish desires of mine fulfilled, and still remained empty. Nothing in this world will satisy, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong. We can only fool ourselves for so long. Sooner or later we'll realize we're drinking salt water.
So I'm deeply distraught with what this world has to offer, and I can talk the Christian talk and not lose my virginity, get drunk, or cuss. I look great, but there's still no substance. Can you say whitewashed tomb? Sometimes I wonder if I'm basing this idea that I'm not right with God on feelings and emotions. That wouldn't be a good thing, since our hearts aren't reliable (Jeremiah 17:9). I think, though, that too often I write this state of mind off as being based on emotions, when in reality it's not, and the evidence that proves that is my life.
I desire to know Jesus intimately, but I end up getting excited about that at church one night or something, then go back to old habits the next day. For all it's worth, I'm still a Sunday Christian. But I know God's working in me. This warring is a good sign; I feel this strong need to grab hold of Him even more. But I'm failing miserably. Even now, I've neglected spending time in the Bible and in prayer for today. Those things should happen daily without question, and naturally. If you've tasted of Jesus and seen His goodness, how can you not desire Him increasingly daily?
I don't know. Maybe there's a lot of confusion in my life that's causing this. I don't want to be doubtful in this, though. I know good things will come if I actively seek Him more and more. I will grow in Him and He will change me in amazing ways. I know right now I'm a spineless Christian and would doubtfully stand up for my faith if someone actively spoke out against it. How does that reflect the strength of my faith? I don't feel genuine love to really any brothers and sisters in Christ at church, let alone complete (unsaved) strangers. There are so many parts of my life in disarray that should be right, because God's convicted me of them for some time and I've stagnated. God increase and decrease me. Romans 10:17 to all. Surrender to Him and He will accomplish great things in you.