I had written a great poetic rambling type of entry before my computer crashed completely. Now, the sense of contentment that existed in me is gone, replaced with emptiness, sadness, and anger. I want to scream.
My computer crashed because of my selfishness. If I had been content with my position of writing my entry, I would have produced a wonderful work. Now I feel horrible.
I'm addicted to Unreal Tournament. Why? Only a few months ago I scorned all FPSs. Now, I'm addicted to one. Addictions don't have to be to substances. I'm fully hooked on this game. I'm seeking out all maps I can find. I'm playing the Tactical Ops mod. I've turned the gore to be virtually nonexistent, but the screams of pain when someone dies still haunt me. The only escape is to get rid of the game, but it's growing on me steadily. I see a huge plank in my eye here, I've tripped over this block multiple times, yet I fail to remove it from my way. What is wrong with me?
What am I becoming?
Argh this could go into other areas, but I'm going to have to save those for another entry or two or a million.
Be mindful of addictions in your life. They come in many forms, and are very subtle at times until they have you hooked. At other times(as I'm doing now), you watch them develop and grow and you know you should cast them from your life, but you just can't and they keep growing and so does your apathy towards them until the addictions consume you totally. By then, it's almost too late. Almost. There's always a way out, provided by God. You just have to see it.
I'm at war with myself. My emotions are going crazy, playing a tug-of-war inside of me about this addiction in my life. I want to both keep it and rid myself of it for good.
Sorry again for this entry. Hopefully I will soon be able to redo that poetic type entry. Hopefully.