Any English teacher would abhor my lack of transitions here, but my priorities are royally screwed up. This has come to my attention recently. All through my childhood and teenage years, I learned the talk well: whenever anyone wanted to know, I would tell them my priorities were as follows--God, family, school, self. Isn't that what everybody said? Is that the "right answer?" Seems that way.
Now that those priorities are actually being put to the test, I find that I've got it all wrong. If I had to honestly rate my priorities (based on my actions) today, they would be as follows (from most important to least important): self, school, family, work, God.
This is shameful, to say the least.
I tend to waste time on the computer when I should be doing my homework, and school takes up so much time (and I waste so much time not doing homework) that God just slips away slowly, and I'm lucky to spend a couple of nights a week in His Word or in prayer. I haven't had a decent length prayer session in a long time (not that length is what counts, but I feel I haven't been able to say the many things that are on my heart to the fullest in the time I've been spending in prayer). Then, I go to work at the set times (and don't get paid--it's an internship), which cuts down on my already-sparse free time. My family just floats around; I see them at meals and weekends and there is some communication between then, so I guess it's about normal.
I have got to whip my butt into shape. I am finding myself depressed recently, and I have a pretty good feeling it's because my priorities are messed up. I feel good when I accomplish things (i.e. finish homework) and when I consistently spend time with God. It's time to rearrange my life.
I'll probably leave this diary and go do homework, then wake up tomorrow and things won't be changed at all. Probably. Hopefully writing this will be cathartic, and may even get me set straight.
Maybe not.
Maybe.